


Shooting The Breeze

by dragonshost



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, rated for off-color humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-30 09:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10874388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonshost/pseuds/dragonshost
Summary: Shooting the breeze with Mirajane one afternoon, Lucy calmly shoots down all of the matchmaker's proposed matches for the blonde. All except, maybe, the one she should be the MOST opposed to.





	1. Lucy's Game

The day started off much like any other. Temporarily restricted to the guild for nearly destroying a neighboring country, Team Natsu just milled about for the day. (They swear that they did not realize that the mountain the dark guild had set themselves up in was a dormant volcano. Really, they hadn't. And okay, maybe they could've done a better job of keeping Natsu away from the shiny red button. But really, who could resist that?)

Lucy, situated at her favorite spot at the bar, eyed her male teammates as they attempted to playfully (she hoped) murder each other over some inanity. A quick glance over at Wendy revealed that the young girl was deeply ensconced in a conversation with the Exceeds. Erza sat at the other end of the bar from Lucy, eating her cake and content to ignore the rough-housing boys until it was completely consumed (after that? No promises). Or until the confection was obliterated. Then the boys would die.

The Celestial Mage sighed in boredom. Her rent was coming up due soon, and here she was – grounded along with her team. Why couldn't Master Makarov at least make an exception for her and Wendy? Without them to mitigate the damage, the job really could have escalated to far worse than it did.

"Here you go, Lucy!" a cheerful, friendly voiced chirped in the blonde's ear.

Turning in her seat, Lucy smiled up at the sprightly bartender. "Thanks, Mirajane!" She took the strawberry smoothie and sipped on it. It was delicious, but it did not provide sufficient mental stimulation to keep her brain from atrophying further.

Sensing the blonde's discontent, and concerned that maybe she'd made the drink incorrectly, Mirajane inquired, "Lucy? Is something the matter? Is the drink not good?"

The girl sighed again. "No, Mira. Your smoothie is perfect, as always. I'm just bored, is all."

A gleam shone in the depths of the older woman's eyes. "Oh really? Maybe having a boyfriend would take your mind off of it."

Lucy outright laughed at that statement, mildly offending the other mage. "No, I haven't met a guy up to my exacting standards, yet. Which is why all your matchmaking attempts are doomed to failure, Mira. So don't even start."

"That sounds like a challenge, to me."

Fear crept along Lucy's spine, as she felt as if she might've walked into a trap. Then she shrugged it off. She was bored, after all. Bored and blonde is generally a bad combination. "What kind of a challenge are you proposing?"

Mirajane's grin widened, and the terror returned to Lucy's heart. "How about we play a game? I say a name, and you tell me what exactly your objection is to that person? Does that appeal to you?"

Lucy contemplated it. It did. "Sure. On two conditions."

"Name them!" The demonic mage was over the moon. She might just find a potential match for Lucy out of this. Even better, the blonde was willing to play along!

"You accept the explanation without question, and just say the next name. Also, you have a time limit. Once I finish my smoothie, I'm going home to work on my novel."

She nodded. "Deal. Are you ready?"

Excited, despite her lingering misgivings, Lucy replied, "Bring it on."

"Gray."

"He's like… my brother. Also, drowning. I don't much care for drowning."

"Natsu."

"He's the reason I have no money. I would like that to not be a permanent thing, thank you."

"Freed."

"Aren't YOU interested in him?"

"Gajeel."

"Pretty sure Levy likes him. He also beat the shit out of me. I've forgiven him for that, but I don't think that's a real basis for a relationship. Not in this universe, anyway – not for me. No offense to Levy. I think they're actually cute together."

"Bickslow."

"I think he likes dolls more than I do."

"Dan."

"Dan can't decide who HE likes."

"Loke."

"…There might be some laws against that."

"Romeo."

"There are DEFINITELY laws against that."

"Laxus."

"…He might break me."

"Gildarts."

"NO. He's my friend's father. Not happening. Just… no. And Cana… She would probably find it hilarious, now that I think about it. Even more reason not to."

"Max."

"He's in a committed relationship with the honorable Broom. I'm not a home wrecker."

"Warren."

"He likes to broadcast his pervy thoughts with his magic."

"Vijeeter."

"I do like dancing, but I'm not familiar with any of the ones he does. And I don't wish to be."

"Wan."

"Who? Oh, him? …I don't think I've ever heard him talk."

"Alzack."

"…He's married, Mirajane. He's married. With a daughter."

"Mikuni."

"Yeah, I'm not challenging Onihime for drum-boy."

"Mystogan."

"In case you missed it, he's in another world."

"Jet."

"I don't steal other peoples' fanboys. That would be rude. Especially not my best friend's."

"Droy."

"Same as Jet."

"Elfman."

"He's too… MANLY for me. But not too much for Evergreen."

"Happy."

"…He's a cat."

"Lily."

"…Also a cat. I'm a little worried about your brain."

"Reedus."

"He's nice and all… but I think he's more into painting landscapes instead of people these days if you know what I mean."

"Nab."

"Nope. The jobless are not for me. Actually, I do have a question about him. How does he survive when he's never taken a job?"

"Wakaba."

"I've never seen her in person, but he has a wife. You've impersonated her on a number of occasions, so don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

"Macao."

"I'm not really interested in pervy old men."

"Master Makarov."

"An even older perv. And I don't want to be Laxus' grandmother. That would just be awkward."

"Lyon."

"So we've moved on to other guilds, now? And no – he's still crushing pretty hardcore on Juvia. I'm not getting in the middle of that dangerous little love triangle. Quadrangle. Pentagon. Whatever."

"Jura."

"Older, but not a perv. Has potential, but that beard of his has set out to conquer the rest of his face with a take-no-prisoners mentality. So I think I'll have to pass."

"Toby."

"I like him, I really do. But… dog boy might be… even more… special than Natsu in the brains department. He kind of has the existence of a jellyfish."

"Yuka."

"…Eyebrows…"

"Ichiya."

"There's a reason Erza bolts whenever he's mentioned. I think I'll trust her judgment on that one."

"Nichiya."

"A feline Ichiya. I think not."

"Ren."

"He's engaged to the love-crazy girl, Sherry. Who has tried to end me on a number of occasions. And what is with you trying to set me up with taken men?"

"Hibiki."

"He's nice enough, but he's a playboy and I can't take him seriously."

"Eve."

"Younger, but still a playboy."

"Master Bob."

"Pretty sure Master Bob is playing for the other team."

"Master Goldmine."

"I actually think he might be playing for the other team, too. Why else would you make a guild of all men? Can you say, Personal Harem?"

"Bacchus."

"Drunken older perv. Really, Mira?"

"Jellal."

"So we're onto criminals, now? And I can't compete with Erza. No, really. She'll kill me. I would like to live a long time."

"Midnight."

"Pretty sure he's still holding a grudge for the whole Infinity Clock incident."

"Cobra."

"Snarky snake? I think he's more into reptiles. And Kinana."

"Mest."

"I think his real name is Doranbolt. And I'm not entirely convinced that he isn't a pedophile."

"Lahar."

"Doesn't he still want to disband Fairy Tail? I won't date someone who despises my family."

"Arcadios."

"The number one woman in his life is the Princess."

"Sting?"

"Blonde Natsu. Enough said."

"Rufus?"

"His fashion sense is good. Suspiciously so."

"Orga?"

"He scares me a little… Especially his singing…"

"Lector?"

"…A cat from another guild. You're either getting super desperate, or there genuinely is something wrong with you."

"Frosch?"

"…Still a cat. What gender is Frosch, anyway?"

"Dobengal?"

"The ninja? I get enough of those jokes from Natsu as it is."

Mirajane pursed her lips. Her blonde friend was picky. Like, SUPER PICKY. She was running out of males. And the willpower to stop herself from laughing at all of the quips and refusals Lucy was coming up with. Some of them were really funny. A lot of others made sense.

"Then, what about Rogue?"

When Lucy hesitated, the hairs on the back of Mira's neck stood at attention. Could it be that the girl didn't have a quip prepared for the quiet Dragon Slayer?

"Um…" Lucy mumbled, looking at her hands, refusing to meet Mirajane's gaze. "He murders me. That ship has literally sailed, Mira."

"Are you sure you don't have any other objections? Because that one seems a little weak," she teased the blonde.

Her head snapped up. "You broke the rules!" she accused.

Mirajane shrugged. "Well, it wasn't actually him that killed Future Lucy. It was Future Rogue. Present Rogue hasn't done anything at all to you. In fact, he's done considerably less than other members of his guild." Now that she thought about it, he really had comported himself with far more kindness than his friends. "He was the only one who didn't laugh during the Naval Battle, and he did not defend Minerva from Team Natsu's wrath. In fact, he looked downright ashamed of his guild's actions. And furious."

Colour started to appear in Lucy's cheeks. "I've never even talked to the man, Mira. For all I know, he could have webbed toes!"

The Take Over mage did laugh at that. "Really, Lucy? That's all you've got?" A dark look from the blonde had another smile pulling at the white-haired woman's lips. "Okay, I'll let it go for now. You've finished your smoothie, besides." Quite a while ago, actually. Lucy had been enjoying herself too much to notice before.

The blonde nodded with relief and started to beat a hasty retreat. "I'm going home, now, then!"

She practically fled out the doors.

A devious smirk crawled over Mirajane's face, scaring off a few patrons. Oh it was on. Lucy was going to be matched, whether she liked it or not.

Now to see if the stoic Dragon Slayer was amenable to the idea of a relationship with the blonde Celestial mage.

Sting owed her a favor, anyway.


	2. Rogue's Turn

Rogue stepped into the doorway to Sting's office and knocked politely on the open door. He knew his friend had heard him approach long before he actually arrived, but by now announcing his presence was old habit. Most other people couldn't hear his quiet footsteps, and the previous owner of the room had despised Rogue's ability to be unobtrusive almost to the point of nonexistence. Surprising Jiemma had proved hazardous to his health, so Rogue had developed other subtle ways of letting people know he was around (much to his embarrassment and everyone else's relief and amusement, Sting had once forced him to wear a bell for a week).

The current occupant and owner of the room, however, couldn't be anything other than obnoxiously conspicuous. No matter how hard he tried (or so one would assume. Sting had yet to actually make a serious attempt at such a feat). A blonde head emerged from the other side of a stack of papers. (Noise complaints, no doubt.) "Rogue! I need to talk to you about something."

"Obviously." Sting would not have requested his presence over the intercom otherwise.

Sting rolled his eyes at his taciturn friend. "Whatever, just sit your ass down and shut the door."

An unusual request from the blonde. Under normal circumstances, Sting wouldn't tolerate the door being closed. And if anyone shut it without his say-so, he would throw a fit – complete with flailing limbs and caterwauling about imminent suffocation. Whatever Sting wished to discuss must be semi-important to demand the closure of the door. While Rogue did so, Sting casually shoved the paperwork tower off his desk, a soft click accompanying the motion (likely a pen, lost somewhere in the shuffle). Sting watched the documents flutter about with a supremely smug expression.

Rogue eyed the reports as they descended. "You do realize you're going to have to pick them up again, right?"

"Nah, I'll get someone else to do it."

Abuse of power, right there. It was probably going to be left up to Rogue to deal with. Wonderful.

Once he was seated in the chair across from the desk, Rogue inquired, "What did you wish to discuss, Sting?" He would like nothing more than to get this over with as soon as possible. It was only a matter of time until Frosch convinced Orga to perform his newest song for the guild. That had to be prevented at all costs – Rogue's sensitive eardrums wouldn't be able to take another round of that discordant screeching up close and personal. Not twice in the same week.

"What is your opinion on women?" Sting asked without preamble. Or clarification. Or any context at all, really.

The Shadow Dragon Slayer blinked. He had, understandably, not expected that question. "They're fine?" he ventured, confused about where Sting was going with this. And about why the blonde deemed it important.

Sting groaned at him. "No, I mean…" He screwed up his face, trying to think of a better way to phrase his question. "I have a list of women. Can you just tell what you think of each of them?"

Rogue blinked at his friend. "You called me in here to vet your next potential girlfriend? I have better things to do today than be your wingman."

"You're a horrible wingman, anyway, Rogue. No, I want to be your wingman this time. So tell me what you think of these girls!" As Rogue looked like he was about to leave, Sting growled, "This is an order from your Guild Master!"

Begrudgingly, Rogue complied.

"Now then, what do you think of Yukino?"

"Yukino?"

"Yukino."

"You like her. So no, I'm not going to pursue her."

Sting stared at his friend. "Seriously? Because I would be willing to give her up if you were truly interested in her, Rogue. Bro-code, I think Natsu-san called it. You're my friend – I would rather see you happy with the girl of your dreams than be with mine."

Rogue rolled his eyes at Sting. The dense blonde wasn't getting it. "Idiot. I said I wasn't interested. And what makes you assume I wouldn't do the same for you?"

"Don't I get a say in this?" a quiet voice behind Rogue muttered.

Completely not reading the mood, Sting cheered at the arrival of the girl of his dreams. "Yukino! You brought me my snacks!"

The brunette glanced at Yukino briefly, and then he returned to staring at his partner. "Why are you having snacks delivered when you're supposed to be working?"

Raising an eyebrow at his friend, Sting took the tray from the Celestial Mage. "Because I'm hungry, and it's snack-time. Plus, I'm not working right now. I'm eating. And pestering you."

He was struck with the urge to facepalm. "So you've been plotting to do this to me for a while."

"Nope. All of ten minutes, maybe."

"…How long ago did you send Yukino out for snacks?" Rogue was pretty sure he wasn't going to like the answer. But he held onto the hope.

The Sabertooth Guild Master contemplated the question for a moment. "Twenty minutes ago? Does that sound right, Yukino?" At her nod he grinned at the pair. "See? I was already planning to slack off. This just happened to coincide perfectly."

Yukino huffed. "So discussing my assets is a bonus. You do realize that this can be considered sexual harassment, right Sting-sama? Truth be told, I kind of expected this from Sting-sama, but I'm disappointed in you, Rogue-sama. I thought you at least would know better."

Blinking owlishly, Sting craned his head to look up at the woman looming over him. "Actually, we'll be discussing every woman, not just you."

"That's still sexual harassment! On a grander scale, no less!"

Sting shook his head vehemently, holding up his hands to shield himself from Yukino's wrath. "Wait, Yukino! That's not it! I'm doing this as a favor to Mirajane-dono!"

Yukino's mouth shut with a snap, and both guild members stared, dumbfounded at their Guild Master. "-Dono?" Yukino recovered first and asked.

"Yeah, she got an upgrade. I owe her, and she is super freaking scary. Especially when she wants something. So it's Mirajane-dono."

Rogue could find no fault with this logic. "So why are you doing her a favor? And why is a mage from another guild curious about my relationship status?"

"Because she's a matchmaker demon, obviously. And your love life so pitiful even she has noticed. So we're going to find you a girlfriend." Then he paused. "Unless you're into men? In which case, I could introduce you to some nice guys?" he offered. "I don't judge. I just want you to be happy."

"Same here, Rogue-sama," Yukino interjected helpfully.

He groaned. "Please stop right there. I'm not interested in men."

"So then you have no objection to this?"

"I have every objection to this," the Dragon Slayer stated firmly.

"How about," Sting suggested, "I list off a bunch of women, and you tell me what you think. And I'll put all the gay jokes to bed." As soon as the words left his mouth, he grimaced. "Wait, horrible turn-of-phrase. You know what I mean."

Rogue nodded. It was pretty clear that Sting had no intention of letting him leave either way. So he grabbed some of Sting's snacks off the tray, despite the blonde's protests. "If I'm going to endure this farce, I'm at least getting food out of it."

Sting grumbled under his breath. "Fine, then. We'll start with Kagura."

"I'm pretty sure that SHE'S your main rival for Yukino's affections."

"What?!" the Celestial mage yelped in surprise.

"Shit! Dude, I can't compete with that! I mean, she's stacked! And super cool on top of that!"

"I'm not into women!" Yukino protested.

Sting sighed in relief. "What about Milliana?"

"She would probably try to steal Frosch from me. At every available opportunity."

"Beth."

"Who?"

"Risely?"

"Again, who?"

"Arana?"

"Still don't know who you're talking about."

"Do I need to get a visual aid for you or something?"

"That would likely help, yes."

With an annoyed mutter, Sting reached into his desk and pulled out several copies of Sorcerer Weekly.

Rogue pointed at the magazines. "Why are those in your desk?"

"Not important." Flipping through a few issues, the blonde Dragon Slayer paused on the pages detailing the mages who participated in the Grand Magic Games. "Here. This is Beth," he pointed out the Mermaid Heel girl.

The Shadow Dragon Slayer studied the picture for a moment. "She's sixteen? She looks… younger. Too young."

Sting indicated a pair of photographs. "Both of these are Risely."

Rogue looked up at Sting. "She confuses me."

"I hear you." Yukino smacked the Dragon Slayer Duo upside their heads. "Fine, fine! And Arana. She fought that dark-skinned Blue Pegasus guy. She's actually fun to talk to."

"I didn't watch that battle." Rogue paused, and then gave Sting an appraising look. "From what I recall, neither did you. And how do you know her?"

"Moving on!"

"No! No moving on!" Rogue interjected, feeling like Sting was avoiding something. "Answer me!"

Yukino fixed her Guild Master with a hard look. "Yes, Sting-sama. Answer the question."

Sweat poured down the nervous man's face. "Um… I did a lot of networking at the ball? For Sabertooth?"

"Why is that a question?" Rogue asked in suspicion.

Sting coughed. "I need to keep going down the list. What about Sherry?"

Rogue decided to let it go for now. There was a high chance of Yukino doing her own interrogation later, in any event. "She's attached at the hip to that same member of Blue Pegasus, from what I recall."

"Jenny?"

"She IS a member of Blue Pegasus."

Thinking about it for a moment, Sting accepted that reason. "Chelia?"

"I'm not a pedophile, Sting."

"Wendy?"

"Still not a pedophile. That has not changed in the past five seconds."

"Carla?"

"…She's a cat, Sting. She's a cat."

"Hisui?"

"…She's the princess of Fiore. And she made the Eclipse Gate that started the whole Future Rogue and dragon-invasion debacle."

"Okay. What about Erza-san? She's really strong."

"I saw her pull three Exceeds out of her breasts. There are no words to describe how terrifying I find that."

"Gotta ask – Minerva?"

"You're really going to go there? She's a monster, Sting. I'm not getting anywhere near her. Even if we knew where she is. Which we don't."

"Mirajane-dono?"

"…She is literally a she-demon. And she might have a split-personality. No thank you."

"Cana?"

"I'm not interested in women who smell like they've taken a bath in alcohol. Actually, I wouldn't put it past her to do just that."

Yukino nodded her head. "Gildarts would probably kill you, Rogue-sama. So that's a good decision."

"Who's Gildarts?"

"Nevermind. Sting-sama, please continue."

"Wait, who is Gildarts?"

"Good grief. You pay even less attention than I do. Next up. What about Laki?"

Rogue stared at Sting blankly. Sting flipped open an issue of Sorcerer Weekly and pointed her out to the other Dragon Slayer.

"…Yeah, I'm still not sure who that is."

Sting shrugged. "Probably for the better, man. She's really hard to have a conversation with. Tied my brain up in knots trying to figure out what she was saying."

After that statement, Rogue had to admit to himself his mild interest in seeing that happen again and on a semi-regular basis.

"What about Chico?"

"How do you know all these people?"

"Magazines and networking, Rogue. Something you might want to try, you anti-social bastard. Levy?"

"Gajeel-san has already proven that he can kick my ass. I'm not challenging him over a girl. I'm lucky he didn't kill me before, and I'm really not going to test that out again."

"Juvia?"

"She has already found her object of stalking. I would rather not be the new one. Or get into the middle of that weird love-triangle she's in." Rogue paused. "Love-square? Pentagon?" He shook his head. "Either way, I'm not getting involved."

"Evergreen?"

As Rogue appeared to be having a difficult time placing that one, too, Sting pointed her out in the magazine.

"It says she's in a relationship with Elfman, the she-demon's little brother." Rogue's main concern has always been self-preservation.

"Lisanna?"

"She-demon's little sister. Also, she smells like Natsu-san."

"Bisca?"

"…She's married. To a sharpshooter."

"Asuka."

Rogue choked. "What is wrong with you?!"

"I just like pissing you off," Sting admitted freely.

Standing up, Rogue glowered at his friend. "I think I've been accommodating enough. I'm leaving."

"Ah, wait!" Sting called. "Just one more, I promise!"

Rogue sat back down, dreading this already. "Very well. Last one."

"What do you think of Blondie?"

He peered at his blonde friend. "Who?"

"Blondie!" Sting repeated, fully expecting Rogue to understand.

He didn't. "I'm going to need more than that, Sting."

Sting sighed. "You know!" He held his hands out in front of his chest as far as they would go. "Blondie!"

To his deep shame, Rogue now knew exactly who Sting was referring to. "…Lucy Heartfilia?" he questioned, kind of hoping he was wrong.

The White Dragon Slayer beamed at his partner, while Yukino gave them both looks of disgust. "So you _do_ notice things like that!"

It would be rather hard not to, honestly. Rogue coughed. "What about her?"

"So? What do you think of her?"

Rogue thought hard before responding. "She's stronger than she seems – she held her own in the Naval Battle against a number of other mages with superior battle experience. She's proved herself to be intelligent. And compassionate towards her friends and family. Even towards total strangers." Really, she was almost perfect. But he would never say that out loud – and never to this blonde in particular. "I've never spoken directly with her, though. Also, I doubt her friends would let me get within two feet of her." Not after Minerva's torture – it was clear they were very protective of their bubbly teammate.

Sting nodded, deep in thought. "I guess you have a point. It might be hard to get close to her – especially after Future Rogue killed the future her, in front of her. On that note, it's lucky that they're rather understanding of that situation as it is."

The Shadow Dragon Slayer's stomach dropped to his toes. "…What?"

Stiffening, Sting realized what he had just casually blurted out. Facepalming, he groaned, "Shit. I can't believe I said that. I'm a moron."

There was no debating that point, but Rogue had something else to be concerned about. "He killed her?"

Chagrined, Sting replied, "Yeah… he sort of did."

"How do you 'sort of' kill someone?!"

Sting threw up his hands. "Okay! He murdered her! But they haven't come after you yet, and they didn't even want you to know! Yukino and I were sworn to secrecy!"

The Celestial Mage nodded. "My apologies, Rogue-sama. Lucy-sama told me it wasn't your fault and that holding grudges over things that technically didn't happen and never would is pointless. So I agreed to her onus of silence on the matter."

Rogue sighed. "Can I leave, now? I need to do some… thinking." Deep, deep introspection was in store for him.

"Yeah, fine." Sting decided that it was better for Rogue to sort himself out for the meantime.

After the Dragon Slayer's departure, he turned to Yukino. "Can you get me something to drink? All that talking made me thirsty."

She smiled at him and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, Sting-sama. Once Rogue-sama has come to a conclusion, he'll let us know."

"I know, I know."

"I'll get you that drink then. Water alright?"

"Sure." Sting watched her leave, and glanced at his desk. Then he paled, and flipped off the intercom switch. It had been on the entire time. Shit. Rogue was going to kill him. Well, he already knew that but… Shit.

Shaking his head, he opened a drawer and removed a communication lacrima from it. "Did you catch all that, Mirajane-dono?" He placed it on the desk in front of him.

The Take Over Mage grinned back at Sabertooth's Master from within the crystal. "Every word, Master Sting!" she chirped. "Although, what did you do to let him know you were talking about Lucy?"

As Sting repeated the gesture, Mirajane doubled over in uncontainable mirth. "The pairing has hope!"

Sting grinned back at her. "Totally. Did you like my Future Rogue bomb?"

"It was perfect. You've outdone yourself."

"I think I may still owe you that favor. I had too much fun messing with him."

Mirajane's smile turned softer. "You know, I did it for Yukino, too. She already wanted to come back to Sabertooth, she just needed a little encouragement and an apology from you."

"Still, I'm glad your advice panned out. Now…" He rubbed his hands together. "What are we going to do about getting them together?"


	3. Meeting Up

Rogue picked his way along the forest path and sighed as his cloak caught in yet another thorn bush. Today was really not his day. First that… horribly uncomfortable conversation with Sting had taken place. Really, he didn't understand half of what went on in that man's brain. Nor did he particularly want to.

Even worse, that extremely embarrassing discussion had been broadcast to the entire guild over the intercom. It had taken him a few confused moments for one of his wheezing guild mates to coherently inform him just why, exactly, everyone was collapsed on the floor, holding their sides and laughing hysterically with tears streaming from their eyes. Then, to his utter disbelief – still in shock that the conversation was no longer a semi-private one – the Sabertooth Guild collectively regained their breaths and swarmed him with questions and teasing jokes. Orga had clapped him so hard on the back he was pretty sure his spine was no longer straight, and Rufus claimed to have committed the entire debacle to memory (which he would no doubt bring out later at the worst/most embarrassing possible moment – like his wedding. Something Rogue was now rather determined to never have, in equal parts due to Sting and Rufus's antics).

The Shadow Dragon Slayer was NOT proud of the fact that he'd had to resort to reverting to his Shadow Mode in order to escape the empty-headed silliness of his comrades. But evasive action had been called for to prevent him from doing something… regrettable to his friends.

Which left him morosely tramping down a path cut through some of the most heinous foliage he'd ever seen all in an attempt to apologize to a girl he'd never even spoken to before for something he hadn't actually done yet. A rather unfortunate encounter with a particularly nasty patch of devil's club left him cursing Sting and his meddlesome, loud mouth. This was not how he pictured his day ending up.

He was tempted to eviscerate Sting for the whole intercom thing, but then he would end up right where he didn't want to be. It would render his intended apologies to the blonde Celestial Mage for Future Rogue's actions moot. And his reassurances that he would never turn into that individual would be rather pointless, as well.

The blondes were out to ruin his life. There was no other explanation.

Well, okay. Maybe Lucy wasn't doing it intentionally – after all, she's a victim in this, too. … _His_ victim.

Speaking of, how does one go about apologizing for the actions of a supervillain future version of oneself? Rogue was fairly certain there weren't any established guidelines to follow in this instance. So he was going to have to… improvise. Or possibly make it all up on the spot. He really wasn't sure.

But first. His cloak.

He was considering abandoning it to the vinous, vicious vegetation. The cloth was completely tangled up in the spines of whatever it was that had latched itself onto it. Frustrated, Rogue contemplated blasting the offending shrubbery with a Shadow Dragon's Roar. Then again, that would also completely destroy the article of clothing. Also, Fiore's National Forestry Conservation Group would probably yell and reprimand him again for obliterating the natural scenery… again. He truly had horrible luck when it came to spinescent herbivory.

If only a monster would wander by so he could relieve some of his stress and provide a decent excuse for wanton destruction. A wyvern or a decent-sized Vulcan would be nice right now. Disappointing, really, that the local wildlife was smart enough to sense and avoid the irate Dragon Slayer.

That's it. After one stabbing too many, Rogue decided that the sharp little angry bastards had signed their own death warrant. Death by Shadow Dragon's Roar it shall be. Better than just abandoning the cloak, and he works out some of his aggression before meeting his murder victim besides – traumatizing the girl with unnecessary aggression would be counterproductive to his goals (also, the penalty for littering was worse than that for endangered plant decimation).

Feeling less encumbered, he made it almost half a mile further down the trail before he ran into another problem of the voracious vegetative variety.

This one had teeth. And it was salivating. Rogue hadn't known that plants even had the proper glands for that.

Really not his day.

* * *

Lucy sighed and plopped down in front of the huge sakura tree in Magnolia Park. Settling in between the roots, she ran a hand down the rough bark. She always greeted the magnificent tree thus, ever since Natsu had dug up the poor thing and sent it floating down the river. Although she had appreciated the gesture at the time, she's also been riddled with fever. If she'd been fully aware of what he had just done, she would have been furious at his mistreatment of the landmark.

Her mother had always told her that plants were sentient in their own way. It was different from that of humans and other intelligent creatures, but it wasn't something that should ever be discounted. Many times, Lucy caught her mother talking to the garden plants. She'd teased her mother about it back then, but after the way some fanged ones had smirked at her after Natsu had accidently set her underwear on fire during a mission she no longer doubted the assertion.

So one should always be respectful of the greenery in Fiore, as it had rather effective ways of communicating its opinion. Its disapproval, best of all. The flora could sometimes be just as dangerous as the fauna.

Lucy thought that perhaps the old giant she was reclining against liked the greetings she always bestowed upon it. Honestly, showing a little extra appreciation and consideration to the old sentinel wasn't really going out of her way, so why not.

The Celestial Mage frowned. She kind of wished Mirajane would stop trying to be so… helpful, though. Especially concerning her love life – or rather, her lack thereof. After fleeing the interrogation that morning, she had returned to her apartment to work on her novel, but the confounded woman had put… IDEAS in her head. About the quiet Dragon Slayer from Sabertooth. Ideas that had no business flittering about in her skull when she had other things she needed to do, like write an action scene.

Ideas that needed to go away.

So, to clear her head, she'd decided to talk a walk around Magnolia, eventually circling around to the park.

"Why can't my friends just learn to leave well enough alone…?" she wondered aloud.

"If I knew the answer to that, I would make mine do the same," a reply came from beside her.

Squeaking in alarm, she achieved liftoff from the ground. Impressive, given that she had still been seated.

Rogue was just as alarmed by the Celestial Mage's reaction as she was to his presence. Although, he _had_ greeted her when he walked up. But she had kept staring blankly off into space, unaware that he'd spoken or that he was even there. So he'd taken a seat next to her. He hadn't thought his comment would have caused her such distress, though (or that she would have even noticed).

"My apologies for startling you," he said; and although it wasn't what he'd come to say, at least it was a start. He wasn't sure adding to the list of things he regretted in regards to this woman in front of him was altogether a positive thing, however.

She smiled tremulously at him, wondering just what the chances were that the man she had been discussing with Mirajane about and thinking about all morning would suddenly appear. Especially since she'd never spoken to the man before. Actually, she technically still hadn't, and she should probably respond to his sincere expression of remorse soon. Before he started thinking that she was an ungrateful crazy person.

"Thank you, but it's mostly my fault for not paying attention to what's around me," Lucy told him, sheepish. "How long were you there?"

Rogue admitted, "A few minutes. Not that long."

Lucy groaned. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "It's fine." Rogue was used to people not noticing him. In fact, he often went to great lengths to ensure his anonymity, so he really had no right to be upset (not that he… was, per se).

Awkward silence hung over the pair.

Clearing her throat, Lucy snuck a covert glance at the handsome man next to her. Curse Mirajane to Tenrou and back. "So, I don't believe we've ever actually formally met." She held out her hand. "I'm Lucy, of Fairy Tail."

Catching that she'd left out her surname, Rogue took her hand and shook it. "Rogue, of Sabertooth. It's a pleasure to meet you, Lucy."

Silence descended once more. After a moment, both of them realized that neither had let go of their hands. With some embarrassment, they released each other's limbs and glanced away. Her cheeks reddening, Lucy faced her companion again. "So… what brings you to Magnolia, Rogue?"

This was apparently the wrong thing to ask, for the man flinched. Shame written across his features, he slumped in defeat. With great caution, he met her gaze. "It would seem that there are my things for which I must apologize to you for." Her uncomprehending look forced him to continue, "I recently heard about what Future Rogue did to you."

It was her turn to flinch. The incident gave her nightmares, still, if she were to be completely honest with herself.

He bowed low to her. "There are no words with which I might express my deep sorrow and regret for his actions. Truthfully, I have no idea how to even begin to make it up to you. But I would really like the opportunity to try." It was all he could offer.

A light weight settled on his shoulder, and he looked up to find Lucy's hand there. Following her arm to the rest of her, he met her gaze. Only to find her smiling, eyes overflowing with tears she was failing to hold at bay.

"Thank you," she whispered. "That means a lot to me." Lucy released his shoulder and wrung her hands in her lap, suddenly self-conscious. "You don't need to make it up to me, though. Just the fact you felt the need to apologize is enough."

Rogue was overwhelmed by the woman's sheer kindness. Nothing he ever did would be enough to make what Future Rogue did right again. He knew that. He didn't deserve her compassion or her forgiveness. And yet… it seemed he already had both. To his horror, he felt warm liquid coursing down his own cheeks. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I'm so sorry."

He felt warm arms wrap around him, and his head was buried into golden locks before he fully realized what was happening. "Shhh," Lucy murmured in his ear. "It's alright." Her hands stroked his hair gently. "It's not your fault. You are a far better person than he. We'll all be okay. I promise – and Celestial Mages never go back on their word."

When she said it like that, he felt he might be able to believe her.

His own arms came up around her, and he clung to the Celestial Mage like she was the only rock in a raging river. The tears ceased as swiftly as they had begun, but he didn't let go. There was something serene about the simple contact. Rogue couldn't remember ever being held before – he'd been very young when Skiadrum had taken him under his immense wing. Even though his dragon father had loved Rogue very much, as a dragon Skiadrum was forced to be very cautious in his treatment of a fragile human. The only feeling Rogue could relate to the one he was experiencing now, he would have to say it was as if he were being sheltered under those huge wings again. Safe from everything that lay beyond the protective embrace.

Lucy heard his sobs quiet. Continuing her soothing noises, she caressed his hair much like her mother had done for her whenever nightmares plagued her sleep. And if this didn't qualify as a waking nightmare, nothing did.

It didn't hurt that she rather liked being held like this – as if she were the only anchor keeping this attractive, kind man's world from falling apart. And as much as she would like to blame Mirajane for it, she knows that the demon woman had made no comments about the man's physical appearance. So that part was all Lucy; herself and no one else.

His steady breathing tickled the nape of her neck, but Lucy refused to relinquish her grip on him until he was prepared to move away. For as long as he needed her comfort, she would provide it.

After all, that's what friends were for. To hold you together while your world crumbles all around.

She didn't have it in her to abandon anyone to their despair, anyway. It just wasn't in her nature.

When Rogue finally pulled away, she let him. Lucy's arms dropped to her sides, feeling very empty and cold. She stared in shock as the Dragon Slayer's hand reached up to her face as he brushed away the last remnants of her own tears. Warmth spread wherever his fingers touched.

Her skin still felt way too hot when he withdrew.

Gulping, she stared at him for a long moment, unsure what had just happened, precisely. Lucy felt as if a line might have been crossed between her and Rogue. One she really didn't mind dispensing with.

For his part, Rogue was also trying to process what had transpired between them. He couldn't be certain, but that hadn't felt entirely… friendly on his end. Decidedly more than friendly, actually. Instinct, perhaps. He couldn't bring himself to regret his actions, either way. This was the first event between them that he didn't feel any remorse over. Rogue wanted there to be many, many more in his future (along with a distinct lack of white-blonde hair and facial tattoos).

Clearing her throat uncomfortably, Lucy asked, "So, I do need to know who told you about Future Rogue? I specifically requested that you never find out about… what he did."

Rogue belatedly wiped away the remains of his own tears and furrowed his brow. "I am curious as to why you thought I didn't deserve to know." It stung a bit.

The Celestial Mage sighed, trying to call up her reasons. At the time, they'd seemed sound. Now that she knew him – even if it was just this little bit – it was harder to justify her actions. "After the dragons and Future Rogue disappeared, I decided not to say anything about it to you. So did Natsu, and his reasoning was much the same. I knew that a lot of blame would fall on your shoulders for the incident, even if the true fault lay with the Eclipse Gate's creator. That didn't… sit well with me, since you had done nothing wrong yourself. You had even gone in direct opposition to Future Rogue's objectives by battling the dragons." She paused, inhaling deeply and letting the air out slowly to calm herself. "Then, I overheard you informing Gajeel that you would never become that man. I didn't think you needed the added weight of a death on your conscience. You had enough to deal with as it was. I wasn't going to make it more complicated." Wringing her hands, she cast her eyes down. "I have to admit that I had been a little afraid of confronting you." Quickly returning her chocolate orbs to meet his crimson ones, she swiftly added, "I don't think like that anymore. You had every right to know, and I was just being a coward, in the end. I'm sorry."

"I understand." Rogue shook his head and closed his eyes for a brief moment. "I probably would have done much the same in your situation, now that I know more about it. Still…" He opened his eyes once more and looked at Lucy intensely. "I am still curious about why you want to know who told me about it."

Lucy coughed, leftover phlegm from her earlier sobs still lodged in her throat. "I originally told Sting and Yukino about what happened because they're your best friends – the people who would be best able to help you if anything went wrong or if you found out some other way. I wanted them to be forewarned. And well, whoever it was that told you, they broke a promise to me to keep it a secret. I want to ask them why – my promises are very important to me, since I don't give my word lightly."

"It was Sting." Rogue pinched the bridge of his nose, the small scar there itching a little. "He didn't really mean to." He hesitated. "I think. We were in the middle of a discussion on a different topic." Sort of. It had still been about the blonde mage in front of him, but she didn't need to know the full nature of it.

Although, given the recent development of a contagious gossip habit in his guild, she would probably find out eventually anyway. "Sting took it upon himself to interfere in my personal life, by trying to see if there were any women I was attracted to. In my defense, I was not a willing participant. The Future Rogue revelation slipped out of him when we came to your name."

She blinked, and then narrowed her eyes dangerously. "At any point in that discussion, did Mirajane's name come up?" Deep suspicion welled up within her.

"Yes – Sting mentioned that he was doing it to repay a favor to her."

Lucy growled and snarled under her breath, sounds to make any Dragon Slayer proud. "Damn you, Mirajane! Damn you! You and your incessant, conniving busybody-ness!"

The Sabertooth Mage watched while she continued to curse her guild mate. "I'm sensing that there's more to this," he said, a sinking feeling settling in.

Sheepishness traveled across Lucy's face. "Um… I feel like I need to apologize to you, again."

Confused, Rogue inquired, "Whatever for?"

"Well… you see…" she trailed off, clearly embarrassed. "Earlier this morning, Mirajane did the exact same thing to me. Only, I went along with her because I was bored, and I thought it would get her off my back about my single relationship status once and for all. Clearly, our friends have decided to meddle."

Understanding coursed through the Shadow Dragon Slayer. "You're saying that they're trying to… match-make us?" Curses; it explained a lot of Sting's evasive answers and Mirajane's interest in Rogue's love life.

It was not lost on either mage that their answers must have been satisfactory to the two interfering busybodies in regards to the other.

Lucy suddenly stood. "They need to learn to stop messing with other people's lives." She held out a hand to her dark-haired companion. "Come on, let's go to my apartment. You look like you've lost a battle with a thorn bush, and I have medical supplies on hand there." Indeed, Rogue was sporting scratches all over from his trek, and Lucy went through bandages like no one else thanks to her team so she always had extra.

He took her proffered hand. "You're not that far off."

She retained her grip on his larger hand and started walking in the direction of the canal. "In the meantime, I have an idea."

Interested, both in what she had to say and in the queasy feeling that had settled in his stomach at the prolonged physical contact, he nodded at her to show he was paying attention.

"I think we should mess with them right back."

He contemplated it for a minute. It would help relieve some of his frustration and anger with Sting without causing the blonde man permanent damage (probably, except maybe to his ego and really, Sting needed to be taken down a few pegs). "It has merit. What do you suggest?"

A slow smile spread across her face. "Oh, I have just the thing in mind. I'll explain once we're inside my apartment."

They continued to walk, hand-in-hand, for a couple of minutes.

Lucy suddenly broke the easy silence. "I do have a question I need to ask you, though."

"What is it?"

"Do you have webbed toes?"

"…No."


	4. Surprises All Around

Lucy bit her lip as she walked beside the canal, not trusting herself to balance correctly on the ledge while she felt so light-headed.

Something must be wrong with her. It was the only explanation. For so many things.

Why else would she willingly play Mirajane's match-making game, have a conversation with her future murderer, comfort said eventual homicidal maniac, and escort him back to her apartment to hatch a revenge plot?

Also, she still had not let go of his hand. And she was very much aware of this fact.

When Lucy had initially extended it to him, her plan consisted only of helping the taciturn Sabertooth Mage to his feet. Well that plan was shot. Because she had just sort of… failed to let go. In large part due to the fact that she didn't want to. The way his long, calloused fingers wrapped around her own was warm but not stifling. His grip was gentle, as if he were hesitant and disbelieving that she would even want to hold his hand.

Actually, judging by the way he'd reacted when she comforted him earlier, it was very likely the case.

Lucy didn't hate this practically-a-stranger's touch. Not at all.

Her heart was jumping around like Happy on a bad batch of catnip. Breathing was becoming rapidly more difficult as she tried to keep her thoughts on a platonic line. This was proving more of a challenge than she'd anticipated. In addition, Rogue was a Dragon Slayer, so there was no way he hadn't heard her erratic heartbeat and labored breathing. This filled her with even more mortification.

Dropping the appendage was not an option however.

Because first of all… Rogue hadn't exactly let go of her hand, either.

Or was he just being polite?

It didn't help that she had no frame of reference to work with, here! The only other hand-holding she'd ever done was with her mother and father as a child, or with her teammates. And the latter usually occurred while they dragged her off on yet another harebrained adventure to rescue someone in dire straits or save the world through sheer reckless endeavors that resulted in most of her clothes getting torn off. (She was beginning to suspect that was the criteria with which they selected missions.)

So Lucy had no way of knowing what was going through Rogue's head. It would help if he had some sort of facial expression, but alas… that would be asking too much. His prior display of emotion must have maxed out his quota for the month.

And again… he still hadn't let go. Not even after that awkward question about webbed toes – which quite frankly had needed to be asked. Thankfully he had let that go after a vague comment about "Mirajane" and "a game of 20 Men Questions".

In fact, he might have tightened his grip when the boatmen called out a greeting to her (incredulous that she wasn't tempting fate on the canal ledge).

Unfortunately, the walk to her apartment was not long enough for Lucy to arrive at any solid conclusions about what she was feeling and what he was thinking.

With great reluctance (that she would analyze later when the handsome man _wasn't_ staring at her) she finally released her hold on him to fumble for her apartment building's key. Turning it in the lock, she gestured for him to go inside. Quiet, internal rejoicing occurred when he used the doormat for its intended purpose of wiping his shoes before entering (instead of, say… as a hat. Or as something to beat Gray/Natsu with. Or as a place to leave small dead presents for her – sometimes she wished that the blue cat's affection involved fewer decapitated treasures in her doorway. Oh happy days and Happy days).

Shutting the door behind her, she resumed her purposeful stride to her actual apartment. Opening that door as well, she froze in the entryway.

Apparently Happy had decided to leave her a token of his affection just inside her apartment. The… gift… was staring her in the face (literally, with its dead, glassy eyes) and she bit back a groan. There was really no way to tell what it had once been after it had reached this stage of decomposition. How long had Happy held onto it before deciding to re-gift it to her? And had that stupid cat just lain in wait until she left her apartment to leave it for her to find when she returned?

Great. Now Rogue would think she lived with animal corpses strewn about. Honestly, with the increasing frequency of Happy's presents, it wouldn't be that far off of an assumption.

"Frosch does that, too."

Lucy nearly jumped at the Shadow Dragon Slayer's voice next to her ear.

Amused by her reaction, he gave the dead… something… a pointed glance. "Exceeds generally only do this when they truly love a person. I've never heard of or seen one do it for a human that wasn't their partner."

Laughing, Lucy stepped over the disemboweled carcass – given that it was the size of her forearm this was a little more difficult than it would seem. "I guess I should feel honored, then? Pretty sure he half does it just to mess with me. I'll clean it up – go ahead and take a seat somewhere?" After a moment's pause, she added, "And would you like some tea?"

"Yes, if it's not a bother." Rogue took a seat at the table, glancing around the room while Lucy dealt with her Exceed friend's offering. It was a tiny studio apartment, and bedecked in enough pink to offend, although it suited Lucy, somehow. The writing desk in the corner caught his attention, but he knew better than to approach it. Digging through her things without her permission would be beyond rude, and he was already hampered by what was quite possibly the _worst first impression ever_ in the history of Earthland.

The only real downside of the quaint, comfortable apartment was how Natsu's smell permeated the space. Were the offerings left by the blue Exceed meant for Natsu, his actual partner, instead of Lucy? Was Natsu more than just friend and teammate to the blonde?

That didn't sit well with the Shadow Dragon Slayer. Especially when the she-demon's little sister Lisanna, whom he had met briefly at the GMG's after party, smelt so strongly of the Fire Dragon Slayer.

Shaking it off for now, Rogue let his gaze drift around the room some more, taking note of all the framed photographs on the walls and tables. There was one in particular sitting right in front of him, actually.

Within the photograph, Lucy and the Sky Dragon Slayer Wendy were the most prominent figures. The closest to whomever was taking it, the pair had their arms wrapped around each other, grinning widely as if no evil could ever reach them. Natsu also beamed at the photograph taker just behind them, along with his Exceed partner, Happy, and Wendy's partner, Carla. In the background, Gray – not wearing much of anything – looked on at the other members of Team Natsu fondly along with Erza in her customary armor.

Simple though it was, the photograph radiated such joy that the word was rendered insufficient as a description.

It was as if they were a true family.

Although Sabertooth wasn't anywhere near Fairy Tail's level yet, Rogue hoped that someday they would be able to take such photographs themselves – where jubilance could still leap from the image years after it had been taken.

Rogue also very much wanted one with him, Lucy, and Frosch that looked like this.

"That's the day Wendy joined the guild!" Lucy said, standing next to his chair with the tea she'd prepared.

He regarded her calmly with one crimson eye. "I see."

She pouted a little, placing the tea setting in front of her guest. "Darn it. I was hoping to startle you, like you did to me. Twice."

"Keep practicing," he surprised her by advising.

Giggling, she didn't round the table to sit across from him like he'd expected her to. Instead, she placed her own tea on the placemat next to his and pulled out the chair next to him. "Be prepared, then! I _will_ succeed in surprising you someday!"

Rogue allowed a wry smile to appear upon his face. Oh if only she knew… he was still trying to recover from the shock her forgiveness had brought upon him. It was going to take quite a bit before anything else could begin to compare.

Lucy was pleased by the minute expression. She felt like she was finally getting somewhere with Rogue.

Where that somewhere was she would think about later. Yeah… much, much later.

"So!" she announced, rubbing her hands together in glee. "Here's my plan for Mirajane and Sting…"

* * *

Once Lucy was finished explaining the details of her plan to Rogue, he propped his elbow on the table and held in chin in thought.

Under his cool regard, Lucy fidgeted. To distract herself, she sipped her long cold tea. Neither of them had consumed much of the liquid, she realized. She hoped that was a good sign.

"I like it," he finally announced. A full-blown smirk crept across his face, causing Lucy to stare outright at him. "It's simple, and effective at communicating our irritation at their meddling. However, I would suggest we change the part where…"

Together, the pair leaned in close while they discussed their plan.

Both of them steadfastly refusing to acknowledge just how much the close proximity made their hearts soar. Or how, when the plan was complete, they lingered there, just talking and enjoying each others company for hours.

* * *

It was completely dark out when Rogue returned to his guild.

Sting, who had been rather worried for his friend's fragile state of mind when he had departed that afternoon, cautiously approached the Shadow Dragon Slayer. Hopefully, now that Rogue had had time to process the whole Future Rogue revelation (that Sting had played off as intentional to Mirajane… though it totally hadn't been) maybe he wouldn't be angry enough over the broadcasting-the-embarrassing-conversation-over-the-intercom thing to murder Sting in cold blood?

However, Sting froze in his tracks upon spotting the self-satisfied smirk on Rogue's face.

Rogue was displaying a facial expression. That was rarely a good sign for Sting – especially when it was a smirk.

The White Dragon Slayer fully expected to die for his sins.

So he was rather shocked, again, when Rogue brushed by him nonchalantly. "I forgot something in the office."

Sting blinked, standing in the middle of the guildhall, feeling like a moron. What had just happened?

Okay so… he wasn't angry at Sting anymore? And he hadn't gone Future Rogue on them either. The blonde Dragon Slayer was having difficulties understanding what was going on. If his friend hadn't decided to murder him, why the smugness?

Was Rogue just… deferring Sting's eventual homicide until there were no witnesses around and he wouldn't be the most obvious suspect? Or was he plotting something else? Like Sting's downfall?

It wasn't until Rogue had passed him by for the second time that Sting caught it.

A stupid grin spread across the young Guild Master's face.

Rogue smelled faintly of Blondie.

That sneaky bastard had gone to Magnolia, and met with the girl! And it had been a good encounter too, by all appearances.

Now _there_ was the initiative that led to an almost successful attempt at world domination! With none of the homicidal tendencies that led to Sting's demise!

He couldn't wait to tell Mirajane!

The pair of them, without a doubt, made the best matchmaking duo in Fiore!

Also, in Sting's mind, they'd singlehandedly averted worldwide disaster. Because Rogue plus a girlfriend equaled no time for world takeover attempts and happy Rogue would not kill Sting on a whim.

Mirajane and Sting had just saved the world. Through matchmaking.

A little gloating was in order, he felt.

* * *

It had been over a week since Lucy had colluded with her dark Sabertooth friend. And today was finally the day they could implement their plan.

It could not come soon enough. Not because Lucy wanted to see Rogue again, no. It was because Mirajane had become even more insufferable than usual over the interval. Vindicated by her apparent success in matchmaking, she had been pestering her blonde guild mate incessantly about babies with blonde hair and red eyes (admittedly, that would be adorable). How Mirajane found out Rogue had met with Lucy was at present a mystery… since Mirajane was too twitter pated to give the blonde a concise answer. But not so much that Lucy could escape being interrogated at every turn about whether or not Lucy wanted to get married at the guild or at Kardia Cathedral. Because the Master would be happy to perform the ceremony at the guild, while the Archbishop of Zentopia would be more than willing to do the honors at the Cathedral.

In fact, Mirajane had been so bloody persistent about it, that the rest of the guild was beginning to join in on the teasing. Hell, even _Vijeeter_ had come up to her and said something about shipping RoLu, which is what Mirajane had taken to calling them.

Natsu, on the other hand, was being a gentleman about the fact that, when he'd snuck into it later, her apartment had smelled like a certain Shadow Dragon Slayer. He hadn't said much at all about it, really. Only asking if she was okay and if Rogue had mentioned when Sting was next stopping by the guild so they could have a rematch. Happy had made a comment about Lucy liiiiiiiiking Rogue, and then presented her with a rotting fish. Maybe that's where Mirajane acquired her information. She should've kicked the cat out the window when the opportunity had presented itself.

Lucy wondered when Sting and Rogue would arrive. Enlisting the assistance of Master Makarov had been a brilliant idea, she thought. All it took to secure his cooperation was her explaining that Sting needed to be punished for breaking a promise. She'd said nothing about Mirajane, however. Makarov was only too willing to help his favorite Celestial Mage make a fool out of the young upstart Guild Master, but if he'd known that Mirajane would share in the punishment he would have put a stop to it immediately. There was no way he would ever incur the wrath of the Take Over Mage on purpose.

But an invite sent to Sabertooth to party with the high chance of Sting getting humiliated? That he could manage.

Everyone else was pretty excited about their rival guild coming to visit. Gray and Rufus had apparently hit it off during the GMG's after party. Natsu wanted to fight Sting (no surprise there). The Strauss sisters were looking forward to talking to Yukino, whom they had all but officially adopted into the family. The Exceeds loved Lector and Frosch as if they were a part of Fairy Tail (well, Happy had a bit of jealous streak that appeared whenever Lector got too close to Carla but that happened with Pantherlily, too). Gajeel was planning to bug Rogue incessantly about his name change. Lastly, Orga had surprisingly developed an odd, antagonistic friendship with Laxus.

It was hard for Lucy to contain her own enthusiasm, a small wrapped package sitting in her lap. Ready to be presented to two meddlesome mages. Half afraid that she would drop it, Lucy placed it on the counter beside her.

When the doors flung open so hard they smacked into the walls, Lucy knew that victim number one had arrived.

Which meant that her co-conspirator wasn't far behind.

"Yo! Fairy Tail!" Sting shouted cheerfully, having kicked open the doors in a way eerily reminiscent of his former idol, Natsu. "We've come to teach you how to really party!"

"Sting-kun is the best at partying!" Lector cheered.

Yukino followed close on Sting's heels, shaking her head at her Guild Master's antics. "Hello, everyone," the Celestial Mage greeted like a normal person.

She was nearly shoved aside as more mages flooded into the guildhall.

Before Lucy had even opened her mouth to call out a greeting, the party had begun in earnest.

Amongst the commotion, a dark haired man slipped through the crowd to take a seat beside Lucy at the bar. "Good morning," he greeted, for although the booze was starting to flow freely, it was still not yet noon.

Lucy smiled back at him. "How have you been, Rogue?"

"Well. And yourself?"

She grinned, ignoring the little feats of acrobatics her stomach was attempting to pull. "Pretty good. I'm really excited for… you know. Mirajane has been horrible this past week with the teasing, and the rest of the guild has started to join in. I'm more than ready to get a little payback."

Rogue nodded his understanding. "Sabertooth has developed something of a gossip habit, as well."

Lucy sweatdropped. "Kind of seems inevitable with Sting for a Guild Master."

Closing his eyes briefly, Rogue pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation – right over his scar. "Indeed."

"Fro thinks so, too!" a small voice piped up next to them. The small green Exceed standing on the bar countertop waved at Lucy with both costume-clad arms. "Hello, Fairy-san!"

The blonde woman giggled and held out her hand for the adorable Exceed to shake. "Hello. You must be Frosch; Rogue has told me a lot about you. You can just call me Lucy."

"Okay!" the cat agreed, lightly placing its paw into Lucy's hand.

The moment would have remained a nice one… if a naked man hadn't suddenly flown through the air and smashed into the bar behind Lucy.

Lucy, for her part, seemed completely unshocked by this strange occurrence. "Gray," she stated flatly. "Your clothes."

"Shit!" the Ice Make Mage swore, scrambling around to locate his missing articles and inadvertently treating Rogue and Lucy to a show they would rather not have been made privy to.

Rogue covered Frosch's eyes.

A solid object knocked Lucy off her barstool and onto the naked man with a _whump._ "Luce!" said heavy thing yelled, sitting on the Celestial Mage's now aching back. Beneath her, Gray muttered curses into the floor his face was now plastered to. "I need your help! Tell Stripper that I am too smart!"

"Get off, Natsu," she mumbled into Gray's back, the full effects of the Fire Dragon Slayer's tackle-hug starting to manifest.

"Fro is confused!" the Exceed announced, its eyes still covered.

Rogue couldn't agree more.

Gray must have said something particularly insulting into the floor, for Natsu then shouted, "Say that again to my face, Streaker! Or are you too cowardly to face me?!"

This time Lucy caught Gray's response. "I can't, you Flame Brain! Get your fat ass off me and Lucy!"

"Ah! Sorry, Luce!" Finally climbing off his best friend, Natsu took note of his surroundings for the first time. "Hey, Rogue! Hey, Frosch!"

As Lucy recovered from the blow, she slowly stood up and dusted herself off. When she looked up again, she noticed that the combined members of the two guilds had directed their collective attention towards the scene they had been making.

Including that of the two – very excited – meddlesome matchmakers.

Well. It seemed the confrontation was going to happen a little earlier in the day than Lucy had anticipated. The blonde had assumed Sting would be too busy with his brawl with Natsu, and Mirajane with the doubled number of customers, to bother her or Rogue about their relationship status until after they'd eaten lunch, at least.

Resituating herself on the barstool, Lucy shared a look with Rogue (that Sting and Mirajane no doubt caught and subsequently misinterpreted).

"Lucy!"

"Rogue!"

Lucy held up a hand to forestall the interrogations, just wanting this to be over and done with. …Although, her excitement over getting to see their facial expressions after the prank may have had something to do with it. "Hold on, you guys!"

"Are you two dating?!" the pair asked eagerly, ignoring the calm-down motions she was making with her hands.

"No," Rogue said flatly, as Lucy shook her head. They had also discussed how they were going to deal with this situation, so she wasn't offended by his response. ..Not that she… wanted him to say yes.

"But," Lucy tacked onto Rogue's denial, "we have started talking." She paused. "About quite a few things, and I think we've resolved some issues between us. So, we got you two a little something to show our… _deep appreciation_ for your concern about our relationship."

She was pretty sure Sting and Mirajane only heard the 'deep appreciation' and 'our relationship' parts of that speech. All according to plan.

Smiling sweetly and hopping off the barstool, she presented the small, wrapped box to the pair.

Recognizing that smile for warning that it was, all members of Team Natsu slowly started to back away.

Rogue, knowing what was about to happen, also vacated his barstool. Holding Frosch, he moved to stand beside Lucy who was attempting to put surreptitious distance between herself and the hapless duo.

"We hope you like the gift!" Lucy said. "It's an expression of exactly how we feel about your help."

Mirajane and Sting were too pleased with themselves, and touched at receiving a present from their 'happy couple' that they failed to recognize the danger they were in.

Opening the box, together, they stared at the contents for a moment. Perplexed, they turned their confused stares to Lucy and Rogue.

"It's a box of dirt?" Mirajane inquired, for the first time noting that Lucy and Rogue had put quite a bit of distance between them.

"Oh!" exclaimed Lucy. "Sorry about that. Just add water! Juvia? Would you do the honors?"

Juvia did so reluctantly, sending small stream of water at the box.

It started to shake.

Dropping it, the horrified pair retreated from the object.

Their efforts came too late, however.

Green vines sprouted from the box, surging all around capturing the two matchmakers. Leaves sprouted and buds erupted along the vines, rapidly blooming into large, beautiful…

Fanged, salivating flowers.

Sting and Mirajane both shrieked as the plant's grip on them tightened.

"I think it likes you two!" Lucy called, grinning madly. "You can't kill it, by the way! This species is immune to magical attacks! Also, it's endangered! You'll go to prison if you kill it!"

"You wouldn't believe the permitting process I had to go through," Rogue added.

"What the hell, Blondie?! Rogue?!" Sting shouted trying to free himself as the herbivory drooled on his formerly pristine white-blonde hair.

Lucy dropped her smile and gave them her best deadpan stare – mimicking Rogue's expression. "Weren't you listening? I said that this is a sincere expression of how we feel about your interference in our love lives."

"Broadcasting a coerced conversation about my sexual preferences on the guild's intercom system," Rogue said.

"Breaking a promise to me," Lucy offered.

"Not leaving well enough alone when I told you stop."

"Initiating this in the first place, and like Rogue said… not letting the matter drop."

"Incessant gossiping about my supposedly non-existent love life."

"Telling other guilds what _my_ preferences are."

Rogue finished with, "All in all, you both deserve worse."

Mirajane and Sting attempted to free themselves, the blue-silver blossoms leering down at them as they wiggled free of the entangling vines.

Natsu burst out into laughter. "Haha! They got you, Sting!"

Sting let out a frustrated yelp as teeth narrowly avoided closing on his leg. "You'll pay for this, you guys!"

"Lucy!" Mirajane screeched, trying to hold multiple vines at bay. "Just wait until we get free! We WILL match you!"

Then the plant _laughed_ at them.

Which was as much as of a surprise to Lucy and Rogue as to Mirajane and Sting. They hadn't been aware that this species had vocal cords.

Unconcerned about the threats, Lucy hooked her arm around Rogue's as she watched Sting and Mirajane avoid the snapping jaws of the salivating plant. "This is making me a little hungry. You?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna go get something? Mirajane's too busy to make us anything right now. And even if she did, she might spit in it."

Rogue nodded. "Sounds good to me."

The pair turned to leave, when Sting called out to them. "Where are you two going?!" Breaking free of the monstrous vegetation, the bedraggled Dragon Slayer lurched toward the nearest table out of the reach of the plant's thorn-studded vines. "You… bastards…" he panted. "Can't… just… leave us… with this… thing!"

Lucy and Rogue stared at him blankly. "Of course we can," Lucy replied, her arm still intertwined with Rogue's. "We're going out to lunch."

Mirajane freed herself of the, now cackling, foliage and ungracefully collapsed next to Sting. "Isn't that a date?" she asked weakly, matchmaker instincts still going haywire.

Rogue snorted in amusement, and Lucy laughed at would-be matchmakers. "Of course not!" she said. "We're hungry. I'm single. He's single. We're going to go be single people together, because we don't find each other's company altogether unpleasant. And again, we're hungry. So we're going to go get something to eat."

Sting looked up at Rogue, pleading. "Rogue? Buddy?"

Rolling his eyes, the Shadow Dragon Slayer refused to respond to his friend.

As the pair left, Frosch flying after them, Sting groaned and collapsed to the table's surface and sprawled across it. "Mirajane-dono, they're totally going on a date. So we technically succeeded. Why doesn't this feel like success, though?"

"Maybe because a giant plant tried to eat you?" Natsu suggested.

Droy pointed at the rampaging man-eating shrubbery. "Are you guys going to keep it? If not, I'll take it off your hands."

"Please do," the defeated pair chorused.

They screamed as a vine wrapped around their ankles, dragging the pair from the table and hanging them suspended upside-down in the air.

The rest of the members of the two guilds, including Master Makarov, stared in dumbfounded horror at the plant now situated in the middle of the guildhall. Two of the strongest mages of both guilds desperately tried g to free themselves from it, with little success.

Everyone resolved to stay on Lucy and Rogue's good sides thenceforth. It wasn't worth pissing them off.

* * *

Lucy had meant every word she'd said to Mirajane and Sting. She wasn't ready for a relationship. Not even close. Especially not one with someone she barely knew.

But she could acknowledge the potential there.

Rogue was kind, calm, strong, logical… and apparently had just as good a sense of humor as she did. He could even hold an extended conversation with her. Not to mention Lucy was becoming used to the rather curious sensation of being able to feel every single nerve ending in her body when he was nearby.

Lucy decidedly liked having Rogue as a partner in crime. She could definitely see herself possibly falling for the man someday.

Though that day was not today, she wasn't going to waste her time. She'd spend it just getting to know him.

Just shooting the breeze.

* * *

Rogue had decided, while she'd held him a week ago, that Lucy was a very special person.

It was only after Lucy had asked that strange question about webbed toes, however, that Rogue realized something.

Although the Shadow Dragon Slayer was aware that something had shifted between him and Lucy, it wasn't until she'd asked her question that he fully understood why that was – and indeed, _what_ it was. To Sting, he had admitted a passing interest in the rival guild's Celestial Mage during that odd interrogation. To himself during that exchange, he had been able to acknowledge that she was damn near perfect in terms of strength, beauty, and brains.

Now he knew that the kindness he'd glimpsed at the Grand Magic Games was nothing next to the well of compassion that actually dwelt within her. Lucy had a sense of humor as well, as displayed not only by the webbed toes question, but by the revenge they'd been able to orchestrate and implement together. But above even those auspicious traits, she was courageous (again only further proven by the aforementioned points). She had faced the gate, and his future self. His current self as well. Minerva. All the horrors thrown her way, she tackled head on. He was mildly envious of her for that – because quite frankly Future Rogue scared the shit out of him. And he had never even met the monster.

Rogue no longer held a _passing_ interest in the gorgeous woman who had made him tea within her apartment, and cheerfully plotted revenge with him against their friends.

What he'd initially told Sting – that he wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship at the moment – still held true. But someday. After he was done with his amends. Even if Lucy had forgiven him, it would still take Rogue some time to be alright with himself.

But once he had?

Only outright rejection would stop him from pursuing his living, guiding star.

In the meantime, he would very much like to be her friend. Lucy had already seen him with his guard down, and he didn't mind if that continued in her presence. He wanted her to have the chance to get to know who he was beyond what fate had doled out as his lot.

Although, to protect his future interest, he may have to give into his more assholish dragon instincts and remove some of the more immediate potential threats to that interest.

Like Natsu. He may smell like the she-demon's little sister, but he was far too clingy for Rogue's peace of mind. Also, his Exceed left Lucy the type of gifts he should have been leaving his partner.

Gray was another – the Ice Make Mage showed all and sundry to the blonde (and the rest of the world) more often than should legally be possible. How had he not been arrested yet?

Things to consider at any rate.

But he had time. Time to get to know Lucy as well as Natsu and Gray already did.

So they would just… shoot the breeze.

For now.


End file.
